Boundaries

Opportunity to shift our personal energy.

Creating a boundary stems from internally shifting our own energy, which in turn, changes the dynamics of our external relationships. Ultimately, boundaries have very little to do with other people, and everything to do with us individually.

However, the experience with the other person is what highlights for us where we need to shift – it can show us where perhaps we believe our needs are less valuable than others and therefore struggle to say “no” (people-pleasing), or where we lack self-trust and therefore outsource to others for approval or validation (codependency).

When you become aware of the need for a boundary, it’s the Universe creating an opportunity for us to step further into our power, our authority, our worth, and our self-trust – and it’s proof that your Soul is craving it.

Observe & Identify

As you go about your day, notice which situations, experiences, and/or people leave you feeling energized or drained – physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is an energetic sensing to identify who or what feels:

Energizing (expansive) – who encourages your growth (even if it can feel challenging at times) and where you feel safe to let your authentic expression shine
Draining (contractive) – who shames, dampens, or doubts you, where you feel the need to “put on a show” because it feels less safe to reveal your authentic expression, where you fall into a subservient nature, and/or feel taken advantage of

Shift Your Energy

Jot down in a journal anything that feels contractive – this highlights for you where you have an opportunity to shift your energy (aka set a boundary). This can mean choosing to adjust how you show up within these dynamics or to move out of them entirely.

Ask yourself the following:

Am I people-pleasing or is there a dynamic of codependency?
Which part(s) of myself feels impeded upon? In other words, where am I giving up my power, and/or which parts of my authentic expression am I hiding or dampening to be more accommodating?
What part(s) of my life am I regularly needing approval on? Why?
Which of my needs am I neglecting? How can I take a small step to honor my own needs? Or to put more trust in myself?
What could stepping into my own authority look like? How could I practice doing this?
Why is this showing up in my life? What is it highlighting for me, and what opportunities does it offer for me to shift energetically?

Take it further

Consider also jotting down anything that feels expansive, and consider the following:

How do I show up differently here than in those that feel contractive?
Want do I enjoy most about these expansive relationships/experiences?

Getting clear on what makes particular relationships feel expansive not only helps you to invite more of this into your life, but it can also help you to unpack the dynamics that exist within contractive relationships. In identifying what you enjoy/need from a relationship, you can then sometimes better spot what's missing in others. If you so choose, it can also serve as a guide to steering contractive relationships toward a more expansive experience.

When you make this shift, it can be jarring for the other person as they are accustomed to the dynamic that you had both previously established and energetically agreed upon. Communication can be key to minimizing any confusion or outbursts.
Be cognizant of deciphering between setting self-preserving boundaries vs. limiting boundaries that cut off opportunities for growth
Boundaries can be applied to our digital life too – i.e. setting a boundary with social media by setting a time limit on apps (when they impede on our creative essence, for example)

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