Benign envy is a motivating emotion that highlights something you admire or desire for yourself, without bringing your self-confidence or personal security into question. It can serve as zings of pure clarity as to what your soul truly desires – think of it like the universe using someone or something else to communicate with you, and show you what you want, in order to initiate you on a path of receiving. 

The more you can become aware of it when you feel it, the more you can begin taking steps to align with the thing that you desire, and receive it in the way that’s meant for you. Consider benign envy one element of your internal GPS. Through this exercise you can begin identifying your most authentic desires, and also spotlight some potential shadow/feelings of unworthiness that exist within you. 

For the purpose of this exercise, we’re using benign envy (💡) as our marker. Whenever you feel a loud or subtle feeling of envy, write it down and reflect on the following:

1. What thing/experience prompted my envy? This can be a material item someone has, or an experience they’ve had, or a quality they possess. It can be found in real life moments or when you’re scrolling through social media. 

2. When I noticed the envy, how did my body feel?

  • Expanded – “Wow, I look forward to experiencing that myself.”
  • Contracted* – “I’m happy for them, and I wish I could experience that – but it won’t happen for me.” 

3. Why am I envious of it? What do I believe it will add to my life once I receive it? We're looking for the root source of your envy here – your soul’s True, authentic desire. It’s often not the actual “thing” that you’re craving, but rather the emotion or experience you believe comes with it. You’ve assigned a deeper meaning to the “thing.” For example: 

  • Someone got married → perhaps your underlying desire is connection, safety, security
  • Someone got promotion and a raise → perhaps your underlying desire is stability, freedom, growth  

4. How would my life differ if those underlying desires were in my life now? 

5. What would it feel like to have those underlying desires in my life?

6. What steps can I take to feel more of this in my life now? 

*If you felt your body contract while experiencing envy, use this as an opportunity to explore your shadow. Do you feel worthy of your desires? Look for any conditioning or programming about what you believe it takes to get what you want. Notice any secondary emotions that are triggered, such as anger, frustration, or sadness. You can reference the Emotional Guidance Scale to better understand & process these reactions.

Why envy as opposed to jealousy? 

  • Jealousy = I am afraid of losing something that I already have to someone else. (It’s an experience between 3 people.)
  • Envy = I want something that someone else has. (It’s an experience between 2 people.)

There are two types of envy: 

  • Benign envy: “I am glad you have/had this, and I want it too.”
  • Malicious envy: “I want that and I don’t want you to have it.”

*Source: Brené Brown

Check your Human Design to better understand how you feel things, specifically whether you’re an Emotional or Non-Emotional.

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Envy Inventory

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