Are you feeling upset with someone, either from a recent interaction or an experience you had in the past or as a child? Write a letter to them. Use it as an opportunity to be honest with yourself, truly vulnerable in expressing how you feel about the interaction, what you’re thinking about it now, and what this experience stirred up within you. 

Part One: Feel it 

*If you’re currently feeling physically charged in your body from this interaction – i.e. you feel like your body is vibrating, constricted, hot, nauseous, drained, etc. – consider starting with some somatic movements or somatic breathing to help release the energy before writing. 

Start the letter by identifying how you’re feeling. You can reference the Feelings & Sensations List, or Feelings Wheel, or Emotional Guidance Scale to help you pinpoint the feeling. Then write your side of the story. Allow yourself to get ugly or hostile if needed, or perhaps use the page as a brain dump to just purge all that's been festering inside – none of what’s written needs to make sense to anyone but you. Just do your best to keep bringing it back to how you've felt throughout the experience.

Part Two: Process It

Now take a deep breath. 

Contrary to part one, this letter is not about placing blame for your experience on someone else. It’s about reflecting on what this experience with this person stirred up within you. 

While you focused on your feelings in part one, this next process asks you to look a bit deeper. There is likely a deeper emotion that you’re consciously unaware of that was triggered by the interaction. It’s often something like fear, guilt, shame, unworthiness, or insecurity. And it’s probably stemming from an inner child or shadow wound you’re subconsciously playing out in your adult life. To begin identifying that trigger point, ask yourself these questions and jot down your reply:

• Does this interaction trigger the memory of an experience from when I was younger?
• Did similar interactions play out in my childhood, whether with me directly or something I saw/heard happen? 
• Does this kind of interaction happen to me regularly? Can I connect the dots between the various interactions?
• What role do I play in these interactions? How do I react in these exchanges? Am I emulating something I saw or experienced as a child? 
• What emotion do I default to when triggered by these types of interactions? Do I feel fear, guilt, shame, unworthiness, or insecurity?
• What does that emotion feel like (sensation) in my body? 

Then consider: 

• How could I better express myself or protect myself (boundaries) in the future when I start to notice those sensations arise in my body?
• What could I do differently next time to deescalate my reaction and respond with more intention to help me feel more grounded within myself in the moment? 
• "Why is this in my movie?" This is a practice taught in Kabbalah, in which we can proactively consider why the Universe has presented this person/experience in our life, in order to help us identify where we have opportunity to evolve. We're all characters within each other's lives, or "movies" in this context. So, why is this character/scene playing out for me? 

Part Three: Transmute It

Now let’s transmute that stuck emotion into something that feels lighter, which will also help you untether from the weight of the experience and the person (if boundaries are needed). Consider each of the below and jot down your thoughts. Feel free to revisit this section at a later date if neither of the below resonate quite yet, sometimes all we need is a little time.

1. Compassion: Can you offer this person compassion by recognizing that their own life experiences led them to their actions and their way of being, just as it led to yours? Perhaps this exchange wasn’t about you at all, but rather something they were working through – we have no idea what someone else’s life is like day to day, or decade over decade. Can you have compassion for them and their experiences, and perhaps even send them love? 
2. Gratitude: Can you send them gratitude energetically? Can you recognize that because of this experience you were given an opportunity to see yourself differently, to recognize where you had room to grow, to learn how you could also do things differently, and to perhaps break a pattern within yourself? Can you give gratitude for the opportunity they gifted you to evolve?

Closing:

Once finished writing, either reread your letter (right away or after stepping away from it for a bit), or never read it again. But once you’re ready, dispose of it. Feel free to tear it up, burn it (safely), or toss it in the trash – whatever feels right to you. This physical action can serve as an energetic cleansing to show your mind, body, and spirit that this experience no longer holds power over you. Then take a deep breath, place a hand on your heart and the other on your belly, and thank yourself for doing this!

Alternatively, forgive yourself

Write a forgiveness letter to yourself, if for example, you’re holding onto shame about something you did in the past. Write it as if you’re speaking to the version of yourself that you were then, and release yourself from the burden of shame, regret, insecurity, self-loathing, or unworthiness. Acknowledge that you did the best you could, with the information you had, at that moment in time, and forgive yourself by showing compassion towards that inner child within you and/or grant yourself gratitude for showing up now to transmute it.